I Hate This Bar
by bnpwrites
Summary: Stupid hats and PBR. At first Edward just wanted to go home but it's a good thing he stayed.


Edward was trying to school his facial expression into disinterest. His exact thought on the situation was that he'd rather be banging his head against a wall repeatedly than sitting at this fucking bar but he figured disinterest was probably more socially acceptable. He knew it wouldn't be his scene as soon as Jasper uttered the words "there's this bar". Jasper was the poster child for hipster with his stupid hats and exceptionally tight jeans. Most of the time it was a wonder that Edward could even bear him but usually Jasper could be warned that he was reaching douche level twelve and he'd cut that shit out. But here Jasper was free to the hippest, hipster he could. It was like a hipster explosion in this bitch. Ironic t-shirts, facial hair, and scarves as far as the eye could see. Added to that was a healthy mix of glossed, tanned, and toned Hollywood types. This bar and the people in it was pretty much everything Edward hated about living a half hour outside of L.A. He was about to call it a night when he saw her.

It was the Alice in Chains tank top that caught his eye. Sure, she could have been wearing it ironically but… Alice in Chains. Edward swore he was born in the wrong decade. He constantly wished that he'd been a teenager in the heyday of grunge. He was of the mind that music mostly died with Kurt Cobain.

The second thing he noticed was her curves. Finding a girl with real live, natural curves here was like finding meaning in a Pauly Shore movie. That shit did not happen. But she had them in excess. A wealth of rack that actually swayed when she walked. Hips that were actually worth hanging onto. And they both slimmed into a waist that wasn't tiny but perfectly proportionate. That body could have come directly from one of his wet dreams.

"Hi," her trek across the crowded room stopped directed in front of Edward. He hadn't been expecting that. He stared at her like a dumb ass. He was fairly certain his mouth was open. Much to his surprise she smiled encouragingly. "I'm Bella."

"Uh, hi… um… I'm Edward," he babbled giving her outstretched hand a shake. He was cringing internally. The hottest girl he'd seen in the last five years and he suddenly forgot how to speak.

Oddly it didn't seem to phase her. She hopped up on the bar stool next to him.

"Your friend is really into my roommate. He's practically humping her leg," she said pointing across the bar.

Edward burst into laughter spotting the pair. Sure enough Jasper had found his perfect match. Fake glasses? Check. High rise jean shorts? Check. Currently cheersing with a PBR? Double check. It was looking like they wouldn't be splitting a cab back to the apartment complex.

"Well, good for him," Edward said with a good natured smile.

"Sure. But you look bored out of your mind," Bella replied.

Edward shrugged as he turned to face her.

"Not really my scene," he explained.

"So I gathered," she replied with nod toward his completely unhip button down shirt.

He shrugged again, his attention on separating his beer bottle and its label. Of course the most gorgeous girl in the place would be into hipsters.

"Can I let you in on a little secret?" she asked. When he looked up her dark eyes were sparkling. So fucking pretty. Maybe they could just not talk and he could stare at her all night. Sure. That wasn't creepy at all. He answered her request with a nod. "It's not mine either. I fucking hate these people."

Edward felt his grin nearly split his face in half.

*IHTB*

Two hours and five beers later Edward was pleasantly buzzed and happier than he'd been in a long fucking time. Bella was amazing. She was an engineering major at Harvey Mudd. She could quote American Beauty and Half Baked. Pearl Jam was her favorite band. She loved bacon cheese burgers. Her use of curse words became steadily more liberal as she drank. They split their time evenly between getting to know each other and making fun of all the people around them. And she didn't seem to mind Edward staring at her tits. When the bartender yelled last call he was a lot more disappointed than he expected.

"So," Edward hedged fishing his phone out of his pocket. He didn't want to fucking go. He wanted to stay sitting at this bar with his knees intermingled with this gorgeous girl. But as usual all good things had to end. He held his phone out. "Can I get your number?"

Bella's smile faded away. It was replaced by a thoughtful look. Edward felt his stomach sour; he could almost hear her inner dialogue: "oh no, I've given him the wrong idea. I mean he's nice and all but do I really want to give this creeper my number? He's been staring at my tits all night."

"I mean it's if you don't –" he began pulling the phone back.

Her smile curved back to her mouth and it looked wicked. With both hands she grabbed his faced and pulled him to her. Her soft mouth was on his and she tasted like beer and lip balm. Which was apparently an aphrodisiac combination according to his dick which was waking up awfully fast. And this wasn't some "oh, wow, I'm gonna give this stranger a little kiss" playful thing either. Her tongue was slip sliding over his and her fingers were twisting in his hair. Their mouths were pretty much having sex.

When she pulled away Edward was breathless and kind of sad. But seeing her lips pink from kissing and her face flushed was kind of worth it. And those dark chocolate eyes were light like fireworks. She grinned at him.

"Look," she said. "You're awesome. Pretty much the only awesome guy I've met since I moved here. I moved here three years ago. Guys here suck. And I know that I'm supposed to play it cool and coy and wait three days before we talk and God knows how long before we get busy but I don't want to. I wanna go home with you, Edward. And I'm pretty sure you want to take me home with you because you've been drooling over my boobs all night."

Edward felt embarrassed blush light up his face but he grinned anyway. He gave her a sheepish shrug.

"You've got a great rack," he said.

Her laugh was like a fucking wind chime.

"So, do you want to get out of here?" she asked.

"Fuck yeah."

*IHTB*

Fifteen minutes in a cab seems like way too long when your proceeding directly to you house to bed a beautiful woman. Especially if said woman can't seem to keep her hands to herself. The wild thing next to him kept tracing her fingernails along the back of his neck and through his hair. It was equal parts erotic and relaxing.

"You're driving me crazy," he whispered to her.

"Yeah?" she asked arching an eyebrow at him. He nodded with a smile. He'd smiled so much tonight he was sure his face would hurt tomorrow. She leaned close and whispered in his ear, soft breasts pressing against his shoulder. "Show me."

Edward heard a moan echo out of his chest. This time he was sinking his hands into her hair and pulling her to him. He kissed her hard and deep. He pressed every bit of their bodies together that he could. He nipped and nibbled and every second felt better than the last. The best part was that she reciprocated every move and every touch. There was no hesitation, she was with him one hundred percent wanting him as much as he wanted her.

"I could fuck you right here," he growled in her ear. Then his brain went into full scale panic mode. He didn't mean for that to come out of his mouth. The filter between his mouth and his brain seemed to shatter the second her fingertips brushed the front of his jeans. He was pretty sure dirty talk was taboo on the first hook up. Not that another hook up was likely now thanks to his stupid, perverted mouth.

Bella pulled away from their kiss and Edward prepared himself for the ultimate let down.

"Do we have time?" she whispered excitedly.

Edward's eyes went wide. This girl was going to be the end of him.

"You're fucking amazing," he murmured.

"And you're fucking here. As much as I appreciate free porn, how about you two take it inside?" came the gruff voice of the cab driver.

The two of them erupted into laughter. Edward paid and they tumbled out of the car, no doubt looking like two horny teenagers with his shirt partially undone and her hair completely ruffled. Hand in hand he led her to his apartment and unlocked the door. He walked in ahead of her flipping on entry way and then living room lights. The tap of her heels told him that she had stopped. Probably checking out the place. There wasn't much to it. But it was clean. He wasn't the typical slobby bachelor.

It was there Edward's mind was overwhelmed with awkwardness again. The hot and heavy mood in the backseat had been replaced with giggles. Did he take her to his room? Did he pin her against the wall and kiss her again? Did he ask her if she wanted a drink?

His inner turmoil came to a screeching halt when he felt something soft hit his back. He turned and saw a black tank top on the floor by his feet. His eyes bounced up immediately.

"Jesus Christ," he hissed. The rack he'd been eyeballing was so much more delicious looking dressed in nothing but hot pink lace.

"Get over here, you," she told him motioning with her index finger. He'd never seen anything sexier.

He covered the ground between them in two strides. His mouth was on hers again. He couldn't get enough of it. His hands rest on the small of her back as he pulled her to him. Then they were up, unhooking her bra. Fuck that bra. He slid it off her shoulders and tossed it behind him without a glance. He stepped back to admire. And by God they were magnificent. Full, round, soft, natural and nearly every other complimentary word he could think of to describe a really great rack. His mouth was gaping open again.

"Are they everything you wanted them to be?" Bella asked. She was grinning.

"I want to erect a monument to your boobs," he said, grinning back at her.

She looked pointedly at the front of his pants.

"Looks like you already have," she said, her smile morphing into a smirk.

"Woman," he groaned. And he couldn't wait any longer, he had to have at them. Hand and mouth, he couldn't decide how to worship them first. He settled for both. One hand cupping and stroking while the other guided a perfect nipple to his hungry mouth.

He could have most likely passed the entire night like that, molesting her boobs in his living room and from the whimpers and moans coming from Bella she wouldn't have complained. But plenty of other ideas were bouncing around in his head and they all required relocating to the bedroom. Edward traced kisses up Bella's chest and returned to her mouth. Then he slipped his arms under her and pulled her legs around his waist, turning toward the bedroom. For the first time that night she faltered.

"Edward," she started, pulling away from the kiss.

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately alarmed. How the fuck did he screw this up now?

"I'm too big for that. Put me down," she squeaked, cheeks turning pink.

Those pretty eyes were filled with self-consciousness. Edward was pretty sure some punk ass, skinny, LA bitch boy hadn't had the man power to carry her fine ass around. There was dull rage at this thought.

"Pffttt, I could carry you for miles," he told her. There was still worry in her eyes but it lessened. "And these too," he said leaning down to motorboat her boobs until her giggles echoed across the room. With that issue being put to rest he carried her to the bedroom and tossed her on his bed.

She grinned and pressed her cheek to the plaid feather comforter and smiled.

"I like this bed," she told him with a grin.

"Good, 'cause you're going to be here for a while," Edward assured her pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor. She looked positively delighted by that comment. He caught her ankles and pulled her shoes off. Then he reached for her denim skirt and made quick work of button and zipper. Down her shapely legs it went, then he stopped to admire his handy work. Just a full scale ten, dark haired knocked out in his bed. Wearing nothing but those lacy shorts underwear that made him fucking nuts. "I think I may have saved a bus of orphans in a past life to deserve this."

Bella laughed, making her breasts bounce. It was better than damn near any porno Edward had ever watched. He felt like he was going to shoot off at any minute. Suddenly, Bella shot up from her sprawled position. She caught him around the thighs and pulled him forward. Her mouth went to his stomach, the waist band of his pants. Then her nimble fingers were undoing belt and jeans shoving them down.

"Mmm," she intoned as she stared at his tented boxer briefs. Edward had never heard a girl make that sound while looking at him. It was the sound of seeing a perfectly cooked steak on your plate. It was the sound of getting a triple scoop ice cream cone on a hot summer day. It was the sound that made him harder than he'd ever been before.

And then she shoved his shorts down. His dick sprang out and she wrapped her hand around it. He watched with eyes wide as she swirled her tongue around the head, tasting the pre-cum that was there. It was his turn to groan. And clench his fists and his side. And stare at the ceiling as if the secret to holding off release while that hot wet mouth was engulfing him was written there somewhere.

She slowly crept her mouth around him. Taking a little more with each painstaking bob of her head. Edward could feel his eyes rolling back in his head. And just when he thought it couldn't get any better she took his whole length into the tight channel of her throat.

"What the fuck?!" he exclaimed.

She pulled back with a slurp worthy of a Vivid video. She smirked at him.

"No gag reflex," she explained.

"Marry me," he gasped.

She laughed and returned to her previous endeavor. It didn't take long for him to have all he could take.

"My turn," he said pushing her shoulder back gently.

Bella lay back and Edward dropped to his knees. He hooked his fingers under the lace and tossed it with the rest. Slowly his kissed up each firm thigh, relishing the softness of her skin and the sweetness of her girl smell. The closer he got to her center the more she whimpered and squirmed. It was almost hard to concentrate on his kissing and nibbling with the smile that wouldn't go away. Finally he reached the holy land. He licked and probed with his tongue. He sucked with his lips. He mapped out the whole landscape of her sweet little kitty with his mouth. His exploration was rewarded when he found the spot that literally brought her hips up off the mattress. That was the spot he concentrated on, licking with just the slightest amount of pressure until he heard her yell.

"Oh, my God!" she cried and then sound was muffled as her legs snapped closed around his ears. He gripped those lush legs and held on tight. He didn't stop licking. He made her ride out her orgasm on his face. It was delicious.

It was her delivering a firm open handed shove to his forehead that made him stop. He sat back for a minute with a self satisfied grin on his face watching her quivers subside. Then snatched his jeans from the floor and snatched his wallet out. He made quick work of the wrapper and slid into a condom. Her thighs in his hands again he pulled her onto him, diving in in one quick, deep motion.

Their cries chorused together. Her pussy was even hotter and tighter than her mouth. He stroked in and out slowly relishing the way her body accepted him. As he stroked he admired the picture before him: all that dark hair splayed out across behind her, eyes clenched closed, mouth gaping and teeth grinding as he pushed in, fists twisting the blanket.

"So fucking gorgeous," he murmured.

At that she opened her eyes. They were pools of lust.

"My turn," she said squirming away from him. He groaned at the loss. "Lay down, handsome."

He pretty much dove on the bed. She was on him in a second, using her hand to guide him straight into her. She planted her feet on either side of him and commenced to bouncing.

"Jesus," he gasped. Feeling her hard, fast strokes and watching hose glorious tits bounce was going to be the end of him. "I can't- I'm gonna come," he groaned.

And he did. He came hard, with his hands full of her tits. It was fucking magnificent. As he relaxed she leaned to lay her head on his chest. For a few moments it was just the sounds of slowing breathing and heats calming. Then she sat up and lifted her hair off her neck.

"Where's your bathroom?" she asked.

He pointed toward the door across the room and smiled as he watched her walk away. Watching her walk naked and unashamed almost got his motor running again. A few moments later she returned and tossed a slightly damp towel his way. He mopped his sweat slick body then headed to the bathroom for full clean up. When he was done he was happy to see her laying in his bed still completely naked. He grinned as he dropped down next to her. She returned his smile as he traced a tickling finger down the middle of her chest and circled her belly button.

"So," he said. "Wanna go out some time?"

A/N: Just a little some thing that made me smile. Hope it made you smile too.


End file.
